Bummer Post

Sorry. This isn't a happy go lucky or my kids did something funny kind of post. This is a Boo-Hoo poor me kind of post. They come up every once in a while and since I'm in a funk and writing about it seems to help, that's what I'm going to do.

I have a good life.
I know I do.
I have good kids.
A husband who loves me.
I have a car that runs (generally).
I have food.
I have all the necessities.
BUT...

I hate that I'm behind on my bills. Like really behind. On the ones that matter. You know the important ones like House Loan, Second Loan, Bank Loan. The other things that aren't as big, I'm caught up on those because they are smaller. But the big ones, yeah. Totally behind. No real light at the end of this tunnel, either because, well, we don't make enough money to make minimum payments on all of the bills. We're kinda screwed and falling behind even further each month.

I am looking for a job. Not as hard as I should be, but I am still looking. And that sucks. Cuz I don't want to work right now. I want to be the fun, stay at home mom that I like to think that I am. When I work, I generally don't leave the problems there. I bring them home. And I get mean. I don't want to be mean.

Angie is trying to move. I don't want her to move. I kind of need her. Like a lot. She is my friend who always makes me laugh and she is smart and she knows me better than most people and I see her once a week or more. And she wants to move. To FLORIDA! AH! I can't just drive 10-15 minutes to see her in FLORIDA! That's a 4 hour plane ride. Which is expensive. Which means it's not going to happen because I'm broke (see above). TJ has been accepted to the school, so now she just needs to sell her house (and their townhouse) so they can move. *sigh*

I spent way too much time online yesterday. I was trying to find free / cheap fun things to do in Provo / Orem area for this summer. I want it to be a great summer for the kids. I want them to enjoy it. I want them to have a good time. To remember it as a fun summer. But I spent a good 4 hours (or more, probably) online looking at things. And ignored my kids. Great start, Mom. Let's start out our super fun summer by ignoring the kids.

I am ready to give up on keeping our house. I'm ready to put it on the market and try to sell it. But I don't want to lose my house. I don't want to lose my friends and neighbors and ward. I don't want to do that to our upstairs neighbors. But money isn't really allowing for much else.

Blah. You see. In a funk. I don't like feeling this way. Something needs to change. Something needs to get better. Hopefully I don't feel as crappy the rest of the week. Summer won't be much fun if I do.

Well, getting off the computer (and my Poor Me box) for now. Sorry for the bummer post.
Loves, Mandy