I don't like today.

I DON'T LIKE TODAY.

It all started out at around 5:30am. I couldn't sleep because I was having a panic attack over insurance / COBRA costs so I got up and went through them again. Still $502/month for crap insurance. It's loads cheaper than it would have been from the Homestead, but still too expensive. And it's $502 that we don't have. For insurance that I feel is necessary. Crap.

Then I went through our bills. I found a 'shut off' notice for our power from Provo City dated May 4th giving us 15 days to pay them. I guess it's a good thing I paid them when Miah got paid on May 5th! I need to juggle better.

Next thing on the list was getting all 3 kids ready and heading to Tanion's school for their "Last Day Dance Festival". Robyn needed a bath because her diaper exploded before I got her out of bed. Wonderful. I made waffles, which no one ate. I got the kids dressed while they were squirming and squealing, but we made it out of the house on time. Score.

Got to the school and there was no parking (of course), so we parked across the street. I decided that we couldn't pack our chairs over because I had to told Robyn and also hold Archer's hand and I couldn't juggle chairs in that mix. No problem. We walked over towards the playground because we saw Mrs. Ferrin (Tanion's teacher) and we didn't know if Tanion needed to sit with his class. Archer ran to the playground and decided to play on the slides. No problem. We go there all the time and play. He loves that playground. I started looking around for a place for Tanion to wait for his turn to go up with the Kindergarten and dance. Found a great place in the shade that was near some of Tanion's friends. :) Jackpot. Look back, Archer's still playing in the playground and I'm only about 35 - 50 feet away so I can keep an eye on him and still see Tanion dance. Awesome. My day is looking up! I see my neighbors and wave "hi!" to them. Decided that I would go hang out by them because Tanion and their little guy are the same age. I look towards the playground and I can't see Archer.

I start yelling for him, walking around the playground equipment, asking kids if they have seen him... Nope. He's not there. A random dad sees that I am panicked and asks if I have lost a little guy. I tell him that I have and he describes the kid as wearing jeans and a layered shirt - green and white he thinks. I tell him my missing child is wearing jeans and a layered shirt - yellow and white. Probably him. I thank him and tell Tanion to hang out with the neighbors - that I am taking Robyn and we're going to look for Archer. Tanion listens and I go to the other playground on the otherside of the school. Makes sense, closer to Tanion's class and he knows which one that is. I get over there and a random mom asks if I am missing a little guy. I say yes and she points out one that was just playing by himself on the grass. Crap. Not Archer. Wearing Jeans and a green / blue layered shirt. Crap. But this little guy is probably 2 and lost, so I decide to go help him. Turns out his big brother was there, watching him. At least he was 'found'.

Now I'm really panicking. I go back over to the original playground and start yelling again. Still not there. I'm looking around in circles, looking towards the crowd, looking around the crowd, no where. He's gone. I go over to my neighbors and ask if they have seen him. Nope. Neither have our other friends from down the street. Archer is gone. I ask if I can leave Robyn and Tanion with them while I try and find him and explain that I have already checked both playgrounds. Lance (our neighbor 'dad') says that he will check the outskirts of the circle and I will go check the inside of the school and bathrooms. He likes the books in Tanion's class, maybe he went inside to get a book or go to the bathroom. Nope. I'm running around the halls yelling for him and yelling inside the boy bathrooms and going inside the girls. He's not there. I go out the door by the speakers for the dance festival (which has already started, 6th grade first) and see Lance. He hasn't seen Archer. At this point, I'm on the verge of tears and shaking. I decide that maybe I will have to go to the announcers booth for the dance festival and after the 6th graders are done dancing have them announce that he's missing. I can feel tears trying to come through but I'm too panicked to let them.

I was starting to tell Lance that I would go down to the street and look towards our house to see if he decided to walk home when I see him walking with a random lady towards the circle. My heart stopped and I freaked out. I told Lance - THERE HE IS!!!! RIGHT THERE!!! I start running towards Archer and he sees me at this point and starts coming towards me. Random lady is right behind him and Lance is behind me. Archer says "Mom! I found you!" and I have no idea what I said. Probably something like "don't run away!" I thank the lady a million times while she tells me that she found him wandering around the parking lot across the street. He crossed 900 East in Provo by himself in the morning while an event was going on so the road was even more busy than usual. My heart stopped again. I continued to thank her and Lance as we walked back to where the rest of his family and my other kids were.

We got there just in time for the 6th graders to walk off the field and the Kindergartner's ran on to it. I had already told Tanion to try and be where I could see him and record it, so instead of going over to his class, he stayed with the all-day kindergarten class and faced me so that I could record it. He did awesome. He was the only kid to do the 'robot' dance. :) I have a video of it on my other site - click here to see it. It's REALLY shakey because I'm still shaking from fear / anger with Archer.

After Tanion's dance, I decided we were going home, but Archer had decided he was going to play on the playground again and ran off. I made Tanion go get him, thanked our neighbors again and started to leave. Archer came down from the slides and we started to walk away. Then he saw the "Popcorn booth" but you had to turn in a survey to get popcorn and I wasn't going to do that at this point. SO Archer screamed and cried the whole way across the field as I dragged him with one arm, holding Robyn with the other, towards the car. We got almost there when I noticed one of Robyn's shoes were missing. Great! Why not!? They are only her church shoes / only black shoes she has!!! So, we traced our steps back around where we had walked, around the popcorn booth, around the playground, around our neighbors... Nope. Gone. So I trudged back to my car with a crying Archer (but he was walking next to me!), a tired one-shoed Robyn and Tanion. When we got to the car, I buckled all the kids in, turned the car on and lost it. I started bawling. I cried all the way home (you know, all 4/5 blocks or whatever) and sat in the driveway crying. Once I calmed myself down, I went inside and grabbed new shoes for Robyn to wear and headed to Walmart because we needed diapers and a few other things.

Walmart was out of Robyn's size in the only diapers she can wear.

Yeah. SO I had to vent, so I have blogged about it. I've fed my kids, put away some groceries, and now, I'm going to try and take a nap while they are all asleep. I hope my day changes when I wake up... Because so far...

I just want to swear and yell at today.