Blogging (or lack there of...)

Sorry, my few followers... I've not been blogging lately. Not sure why. I have a few excuses, but it basically works out to be that I've been tired and lazy... But no worries, life is good. Just busy.

Sorry. I'll try to be better.

Love, Mandy

Alona's Baptism

DarTanion is 7 years old. His friends are starting to turn 8 years old and getting baptized. I think he's getting excited / nervous / scared about his own baptism. :) We have had several talks over the last few months about what happens when you are baptized.

It was HER big day! :) Ms. Alona Bagley

My friend Heather's little girl (Alona) and DarTanion are great friends. Alona turned 8 years old in September and was baptized at the beginning of this month. DarTanion was really excited to go to her baptism. He wanted to be up front and center to see exactly what goes on. I was able to get a couple cute shots of her on her BIG day and I wanted to post them here to say how EXCITED we are for her to make such a great choice. :)

DarTanion and Alona - cute little friends :)

Alona with her Daddy (Paul) before going in the water

I love this family! :)
Abbi, Alona, Heather, Jesse, Kacen and Paul

Alona's Friends and Family who came to her baptism

My Childhood Sweetheart :)

Lately, I've been going through my house, my garage, the closets - basically everywhere - and organizing things. I'm trying to get rid of things and have less clutter in my life!

ANYWAY, I found this great picture. :) It's of me and my friend Jedd Shepherd. If you knew me growing up, you probably heard about my Jedd. :) We claimed each other as boyfriend / girlfriend from 2nd grade on. I would have other random boys here and there, but I'd always go back to "Jedd is my boyfriend". We actually ended up dating when we were Senior's in High School, but I (kinda sorta) cheated on him with Jeremiah. And I guess it worked out, so that's okay, right? And we're still friends cuz he's awesome that way....

ANYWAY, Long Story Short:

Here is the cute picture I found of Jedd and I back in 6th or 7th grade. And then another one of us together at his wedding back in 2008. Enjoy! :)

To busy or getting lazy?

So I haven't decided yet what's going on...

I've not been the mad woman that I was with checking blogs (like daily - more than once sometimes). Lately, I've only done it like once a week. And I don't really check all the one's I normally would. Just a few here and there. And I'm not always commenting.

And don't get me started on Facebook. This whole week, I've not really been on Facebook for more than - oh, maybe 10 minutes a day... You might think that's a lot still, but for me - that's nothing. That's a speck.

AND until yesterday, I hadn't uploaded the pictures from my phone to my computer for almost 3 whole weeks. Speechless? I know! Me, too!

So yeah, don't know if I'm 'too busy' or if I'm just getting lazy. Hope you are missing me!

Doesn't Robyn need a new dress?

Robyn without a pretty new dress...

Hey friends,

Don't you think my little Robynson needs a pretty new dress? One that comes with a cute little headband... And what better way to get one than a giveaway?

CLICK HERE or go here:
http://hairbowsforgirls.blogspot.com/2010/09/its-big-one-dress-and-matching-headband.html

Make sure you tell them I sent you. I'd post pictures and thank you via my blog and facebook if I won... :)

Loves and kisses!
:) Mandy

School Time Thanks!

Wow - it's been a month since I posted on here! That NEVER happens! ANYWAY...

School time is just around the corner. I'm excited for my boys to get to go back and see their friends and learn lots of new things. I know they are excited, too. I was getting kind of nervous because we really don't have the money to buy new clothes / supplies but we've (once again) been taken care of...

I went through all of my boys clothes and took out the clothes that were too small and the pants that had big holes in the knees (you know, EVERY pair of pants DarTanion had from last year). Most of their shirts were in pretty good condition (YAY!) but we were only able to salvage 1 pair of pants from last year for DarTanion. Then I went through a box of 'hand me down' clothes from my aunt Stacey's boy, Tyler. We were able to use 3 pairs of pants (just a little too big / very small holes) for this upcoming year. I figured that 3-4 pairs of pants would be okay, but that just means doing laundry every few days to make sure he has clean school clothes. Well, others decided to help us out, too...

Our stake had a clothing exchange and I was able to find another pair of pants for DarTanion. I think that ALL little boys in size 6 or 7 pants must be REALLY hard on their jeans because they only had 1 pair that I grabbed before any other moms could. That brought us up to 5 pairs. That would make it a little easier... But then, family stepped in...

I just wanted to send out a special thanks to Colleenia for the school supplies that she bought for the boys - and the pair of pants she bought for Tanion and the back pack for Archer.

Thanks to my mom for the socks. :) Update: and the pants and shirts and little outfit for Robynson. :)

And a big thanks to Jeremiah's mom. She bought each boy 3-4 pairs of pants and a hoodie / jacket. I know those are not cheap... I've looked!

So now, thanks to family, my boys will be stylin' at school - which starts next week! I'm going to make sure backpacks are packed and ready to go tonight. Anything we are missing will be bought (most likely at the dollar store) on Monday. Then, on Tuesday, I ship off DarTanion to be a BIG 2nd Grader!!! Archer will be starting Kindergarten the next week. Wow... They are getting so big!

Thanks again to everyone!!! :) I know not everyone has such an amazing family to help them out. I'm very grateful that I do. :) Love you!

Michelle and Cinders

The lovely and talented, Michelle Davidson Argyle

Back in Middle and High School, I had a bestest friend named Michelle Davidson (who is now Michelle Argyle!). She was always writing / drawing something. And she has always had amazing talent. :) I was privileged to read stories that she wrote back in the day (and even one a few years ago called 'The Breakaway' that was even MORE amazing!)

And now?

She has published a novella (shorter book) called 'Cinders'. I personally can't wait for it to come out this August. I've already ordered my copy - which she has promised that she will sign - and am waiting to read it... :) I want to give her some props and showcase her beautiful cover and the book trailer for this book so that you can check it out, too.

First, Check out her website:
http://michelledavidsonargyle.blogspot.com/

And now,
I present to you
the art that is
CINDERS...

BEAUTIFUL COVER

Awesome Book Trailer

Random-MAN-i-DY

1 - So I was asleep. Jeremiah was showering and I had (have) a headache and passed out while he was in the shower. Except he turned the light to our bedroom on when he came in from the shower, which woke me up. Now I'm awake and my brain won't shut down. So I'm writing.

2 - I watched over an hour of Eclipse (New Moon and Twilight) parodies today. And loved it. Some were funny. Some sucked. But it was good times. With my Angie.

3 - I totally forgot about the free "Make and Take" craft at the library today. I was watching parodies on YouTube and letting kids run through the sprinklers outside instead. Here's a picture from last week's make and take... Rocket balloons and creative hats.
4 - I think I'm one of the only people in Utah who didn't mind the 4th of July celebrations being spread out over 3 days. I thought it was kind of fun. I watched Stadium of Fire fireworks outside my house on the sidewalk by MYSELF (the boys were in Koosharem and Robyn was asleep with Miah) for the first time since we moved here. Sunday we all just let sparklers in our jammies. Monday we partied with friends. Here are just a few pictures of that...

1st - sparklers, 2nd - Robyn and Abbi V, 3rd - Miah and baby Eden

5 - I love this picture of my boys watching the parade. They look like they are friends. Excited, happy friends. 6 - I threw a birthday party for Tanion at a nearby park yesterday. I had 39 goody bags. They are all gone. I think (if I counted correctly), we had 30 kids there and a handful of really awesome parents. That's a good turn out! :) I took pictures of him opening presents, but they haven't been downloaded yet (and the lighting was TERRIBLE!!!)

7 - I don't know if I'm ready for my 'big guy' to be SEVEN!

8 - I love Robyn in these pictures. :) She totally cracks me up. Diva in training, no doubt about it. :)

9 - I'm annoyed at the fact that my husband can eat like an unhealthy little piggy and yet he still can drop weight like no one's business. Not fair. Normal 'after dinner / before bed' snack for him?

10 - I just compiled a bunch of pictures of my Tanion for a blog about him (in honor of his big 7 birthday)... NOW I remember why I had more children. He was (and really, still is) SO stinkin CUTE!

11 - I adore my Father-In-Law. He is very humble and quiet and pretty much awesome. And how many guys can wear a shirt that has a picture of a guy who looks JUST like you on it and think it's awesome? :)

12 - You may have already noticed, but I had Angie cut and color my hair. :) I like it.

13 - I'm doing better on my withdrawal symptoms. Only affecting me sometimes instead of all the time. Mostly just dizzy every once in a while. Nights are the worst, though.

14 - The kids and I have played outside in the sprinklers 3 times in the last few days. I've actually ran through them a few times too! :) We have had some great times with our friends who have joined us on our water adventures. Thanks Stuart, Draysen, Bagley Family and Hartley Family!

15 - I'm going to end now and post a little blog on my BIG BOY over on the family blog... Here's the collage I'm going to use. Isn't he a cutie pie!?! :)

There is a Reason why I'm going INSANE!!!

For the last 2 weeks,

I've been going crazy.

I'm talking totally fine one minute, bawling the next (for no reason, mind you).

I'm talking feeling okay, eating some ice cream and then spend the next 12 hours vomiting up everything possible (sorry for the mental picture). That's happened 3 times in the last 10 days. Not a fun time. Not a good way to start / end / spend a day.

I'm talking sleeping for days at a time (and by days I mean that I'm asleep more than I am awake lately and even when I'm awake, I could still be sleeping and still try to crawl back into bed if kids / hubby will allow).

Other feelings lately...

Super Nauseous
Dizzy
Upset Tummy
Vertigo
Headaches
Crampy, yucky tummy
Throbbing

Whole body shocks - kinda like cold chills but worse

No Patience - whatsoever.

So I know if a friend of mine was saying all these things, I would think one thing (and believe me, I have even thought it too) - she's pregnant. But NOPE. Let me make that really, really clear. I'm NOT pregnant. Negative pregnancy test to prove it. There is no baby hiding in the midst of my flab.

Okay, so next thought? What's your diagnosis? Any doctors out there wanna give it a try? :)

I googled it. Yep. That's right. I got on the computer, went to Google (and WebMD) and typed in symptoms. I found my answer. I'm 99.75% sure that I have found the answer... Ready? Suspense killing you yet? :)

SSRI Discontinuation
Syndrome

Click HERE to view a great article on it.

So about 2 weeks ago, my prescription for Zoloft (my mood med) ran out. AND since we had no insurance (well, actually we did but I had no card to prove it or see who accepted it or anything like that), I just quit. Cold Turkey. Just stopped taking it and trying my darned-est to be a normal, happy, non-anxious soul.

About 3-4 days later, the symptoms started. The dizziness, the nausea, the upset tummy - whatever. I was fine. Then the vomiting (sorry, again), really upset tummy, vertigo, 'brain-shocks', etc set in. Even as I type this, the room is spinning and I feel queasy.

But there is a reason for it. I stopped my drugs - cold turkey. Because I ran out and had no money to see a doctor. And now, hopefully, I can look forward to the end. Symptoms usually only last 1-7 weeks. I'm ending week 2, starting week 3. And then hopefully, I'll be better.

Phew. At least I'm not pregnant! :)

Best of Friends

Right now, I have 3 girl friends that I consider 'my best'. :) Mandy and Heather, sadly, this post is not about you. This one is about my Angie. :)


Angie and I met in 4th grade - that's right people. We've been friends since we were 10ish. We've gone times without 'playing' with each other on a regular basis. We've gone in different directions in life but we've always managed to end up back together. She was even my Maid of Honor at my wedding (and other than family, the only one I even see anymore).

Currently, Angie and I 'play' about once a week or at least every other week. Jeremiah even affectionately calls her his "Every Other Weekend Wife" because (her hubby) TJ works every other weekend, which means she comes to our house. :) Her kids are basically the same ages as my kids. We've gone to each other's baby showers. We've been there for each other when our when babies are sick. We've vented about life's frustrations (in detail!) to each other.

We laugh. We cry. We love.

So why am I suddenly all mushy about my Angie? TJ (currently an RN) has been accepted to Med School - IN FLORIDA!!! They are trying to sell their house and their rental property so that they can move. TO FLORIDA. That's a 4 hour *expensive* flight that I don't have money to take. And I don't even want to think about how far of a drive that is. :(

Angie and I have this thing of taking middle of the night trips to movies - sans kids and hubby's. It's our time. We've also got this weird holding hands at movies thing - to comfort at sad scenes, hang on to for scary scenes or to convey our excitement at happy scenes. We went to a movie a few weeks ago and in the middle of it, I started to cry. It wasn't even a sad scene. I just realized that there aren't going to be many more middle of the night movie trips with my Angie for at least 3 years. And I cried. It went basically unnoticed, but at the end, when I told Angie that I had been crying because I realized it was coming to the end of our time together, she started bawling. And we both sat there and cried and held each other's hands and hugged for about 15 minutes because we're losing our best friends to distance. We ended up talking to each other for an extra 2 hours after the movie was over about our friendship and our lives and how we'd be okay. How there will be great phone conversations. How there will be at least a trip a year where she will come back 'home' and we'll go out. About how the family we choose is just as important as the family we are born into.

I'm sad to see her go - more than I can adequately express here. I know I'll be okay because I have other friends / family to keep me busy that are just as awesome as my Angie. I know she'll be okay because she's just awesome that way. She can make friends SO easily and she has a great husband who will show her unwavering love. But I'm going to miss her.

I'm going to miss having her around every other weekend. I'm going to miss having her only a 15 minute drive away. I'm going to miss holding her hand at movies. I'm going to miss taking cheesy pictures with her. I'm going to miss her amazing memory that calls me on stupid things I did as a teenager. I'm going to miss the teasing that her and Jeremiah get into every other weekend. I'm going to miss her closeness. I'm going to miss her honesty.

But we'll be okay.
Somehow.
Right? :(

I love you, my Angie.

Bummer Post

Sorry. This isn't a happy go lucky or my kids did something funny kind of post. This is a Boo-Hoo poor me kind of post. They come up every once in a while and since I'm in a funk and writing about it seems to help, that's what I'm going to do.

I have a good life.
I know I do.
I have good kids.
A husband who loves me.
I have a car that runs (generally).
I have food.
I have all the necessities.
BUT...

I hate that I'm behind on my bills. Like really behind. On the ones that matter. You know the important ones like House Loan, Second Loan, Bank Loan. The other things that aren't as big, I'm caught up on those because they are smaller. But the big ones, yeah. Totally behind. No real light at the end of this tunnel, either because, well, we don't make enough money to make minimum payments on all of the bills. We're kinda screwed and falling behind even further each month.

I am looking for a job. Not as hard as I should be, but I am still looking. And that sucks. Cuz I don't want to work right now. I want to be the fun, stay at home mom that I like to think that I am. When I work, I generally don't leave the problems there. I bring them home. And I get mean. I don't want to be mean.

Angie is trying to move. I don't want her to move. I kind of need her. Like a lot. She is my friend who always makes me laugh and she is smart and she knows me better than most people and I see her once a week or more. And she wants to move. To FLORIDA! AH! I can't just drive 10-15 minutes to see her in FLORIDA! That's a 4 hour plane ride. Which is expensive. Which means it's not going to happen because I'm broke (see above). TJ has been accepted to the school, so now she just needs to sell her house (and their townhouse) so they can move. *sigh*

I spent way too much time online yesterday. I was trying to find free / cheap fun things to do in Provo / Orem area for this summer. I want it to be a great summer for the kids. I want them to enjoy it. I want them to have a good time. To remember it as a fun summer. But I spent a good 4 hours (or more, probably) online looking at things. And ignored my kids. Great start, Mom. Let's start out our super fun summer by ignoring the kids.

I am ready to give up on keeping our house. I'm ready to put it on the market and try to sell it. But I don't want to lose my house. I don't want to lose my friends and neighbors and ward. I don't want to do that to our upstairs neighbors. But money isn't really allowing for much else.

Blah. You see. In a funk. I don't like feeling this way. Something needs to change. Something needs to get better. Hopefully I don't feel as crappy the rest of the week. Summer won't be much fun if I do.

Well, getting off the computer (and my Poor Me box) for now. Sorry for the bummer post.
Loves, Mandy

May the 4th Be With You...

My little Star Wars buff, Dar(th)Tanion came home from school today with some exciting news. May 4th is Star Wars Day!!! I didn't understand so he explained:

"May the 4th Be With You"

followed by lots of giggles.
"Get it, Mom?
May the 4th,
not may the FORCE,
be with you!"
More giggles. :)

And he insisted that he be called Darth Tanion (instead of DarTanion) for the rest of the day. Awesome.

Next year, I'm thinking we'll have to remember that and celebrate in some super fantastical Star Wars-ish way. :) Maybe I'll even have some sweet Princess Leia hair... Hmmm...

HAPPY STAR WARS DAY
from our family to yours. :)

Digging It...

I've recently discovered that

playing in dirt
relaxes me.
Who knew?

These are the Chicks and Hens that I stole from my mom's side garden and replanted next to one of the trees in the backyard. I've also weeded just over half of my front gardens, half of my 'sides' gardens, part of the 'dirt hill' and even my mom's side garden!

I have been LOVING it! I don't know if it's the warm sun, the fresh air, the silence or the sense of accomplishment that comes with it - but it's great!

And now I'm bummed that it's supposed to be bad weather for the next 4 days.

Boo Snow and Rain.

Random-MAN-i-DY!!!

Random thought have been running through my head and I thought, EH, I should do a post on these random things. :) Random Mandy Thoughts. Random-MAN-i-DY! :) YAY!

SO, here we go with
Random-MAN-i-DY!

*Looking at pictures of Moe as a baby makes me want another baby. But I'm done. I've given away all of my baby things. I have nothing to have another baby. I'm fine with 3. (Repeat until you believe it.)

*I love the Provo Library. I have checked out SO MANY things lately - movies, books, CD's, books on CD... AND they have free events. Free events that my kids love. Free events that are FREE. :) Free, free, free. :)


*When I balanced my checking account the other day (I take it off the online version, put it into a spreadsheet), I forgot to add in the checks that I wrote out from my check book (I pay almost everything online). Slight mistake. Only a difference of, oh, $200. Whoops! Hope we don't need gas for a while!


*I went to Mesquite / St. George for my boys' Spring Break last week. It was awesome. I had a fun time and took tons of pictures. But I haven't found the energy to go thru all those pictures and post a blog on it. Sounds like a big project and I just don't want to do it yet. So, soon... Hopefully.

*I love FaceBook because it gives me a glimpse into the lives of my friends. Helps me feel like I'm not such a bad friend. But if I was a better friend, wouldn't I stop by to see them or call them just to say hi?? Man... I hope I'm not a bad friend.


*I'm looking for a job with insurance. The family NEEDS to have insurance. I really don't care to have a job (I'd rather stay at home with the munchkins), but families need insurance. And families with a child with a heart problem (and parents who haven't had a job in 5 months) can't afford health insurance without the employer spotting at least SOME of the cost!


*I really like our renters. They are fabulous. :) I'm kinda jealous that 'the mom' is pregnant. I love prego bellies. :) My friend Beeno was pregnant with twins and I absolutely LOVE her prego pictures. :) They make me super giddy happy. :)


*I miss my Heber friends. COME SEE ME! I'd love it! If I come that way, I'll have kids in tow and really, what's the fun in that? I'd be too busy yelling at my kids to come back, sit down or be nice to really get the chance to visit. If you are at my house, I can ignore them. :) I don't have to worry about what they will break. :)


*Now that Jeremiah has a job, he's been offered a whole bunch of side work. Of course. Now that he has limited time, he has the chance to have even less time with us. Boo and YAY at the same time.


*My kids miss Jeremiah more than I do now that he's working. Robyn's constantly going around the house saying, 'Daaaaaaaaaadddddddyyyyy'...

*I can't watch the news (or read news stories that aren't about celebrity drama). It makes me super depressed and full of anxiety. So I don't. I avoid it. I live in my own little bubble and I'm okay with that.


*I don't have health (or dental) insurance. I'm due to see a doctor in May for a yearly exam and to get a refill on my 'happy' medicine (Zoloft). Also I have a tooth ache and I chipped my crown in, oh, December. And I have no money to use on such things. I'm kinda thinking I might have to, though. Sorry people / places we owe money to.


*Jeremiah's not currently home (and it's 10:36pm). He went to my sister's house after work to work on her bathroom. And guess what? I'm okay with it. :) It's been nice to not feel guilty about listening to my Ipod while I clean the kitchen, then download a whole bunch of music on to my computer and read all the blogs I was behind on. :) I like non-guilty ME time.


*I'm a big fan of the mixtape. I want to make mixtape CD's for all my friends. And neighbors. And people I don't even know. What kind of music do you want on yours? :)

*I want a new entertainment center. A big one. That takes up lots of room and holds lots of junk. And I want Jeremiah to build it. And paint it. And make it beautiful. But I think I'd like a new front door, first.


* I totally love the band BOWLING FOR SOUP. They are awesome. :) I saw them in concert in August 2007 (you know, 7 months pregnant with Robynson!) and they were great. :) I've liked them for a while now, but for some reason, they are suddenly my #1 band. :) In the car, on the computer, on my IPod, on my Facebook Status! :) They're fab. If you haven't checked them out, DO! You'll love them too. :)

Okay, that's enough sharing for tonight. Thanks for listening to my Random-MAN-i-DY! :)

Thirty.

In honor of turning the BIG 3-0, I've decided to post 30 things that you might not know about me. And believe it or not, this was Jeremiah's Idea! I know I'm surprised too! Ready? It's gonna be long! :)

1. My real name is April. April Amanda (Barlow) Hardman. My parents have always called me Mandy but for doctors appointments and legal things, I'm April. Born in March, named April. They had a mutual friend who was on a mission at the time. They told him to send names (boy and girl) and they would choose one. The only name he sent was Mandy. :)

2. When I was in 5th grade, Jeremiah was my 'boyfriend'. Yep. We held hands on the bus and sat next to each other. He always wore camouflage pants and I had a dream when spending the night at my friends house that I married Jeremiah. I told her about it and she said - NEVER gonna happen. We broke up because his uncle made fun of him because he hadn't kissed me. Many moons later, we actually started to date and got married. Circle of Life, baby.

3. I have 2 Aunts who are only a few years older than me. Growing up, I idolized them (let's be honest, I still kind of do!) My aunt Stacey (my mom's youngest sister) would stay with us during the summer. She would go on dates and I think because no one else was there to 'brag' to, she'd tell me about them. She's tell me about the boy's car, if they kissed, etc. I loved it. :) I think that's what made me want to kiss boys. Her stories were awesome. :)

4. Contrary to what some may believe (because I may or may not have made up stories when I was younger), my first 'real kiss' was at age 15. And I hated it. I even said 'oh gross'... The relationship lasted a whole 3 weeks. I didn't even care. But, to this day, I still don't like the girl he was obsessed with.

5. I was scared to be an 'at home mom'. I knew how to work. I knew my job well. I was good at it. I also had issues staying at home with Archer and DarTanion when Archer was born. Dang postpartum. But when Archer was 18 months old and needed surgery and I took a week off to be at home with him, I knew I could do it. And I enjoyed it. Up to that point, I sort of swore off having another baby for a while. After I stayed home with him and enjoyed it and saw that I could do it, I decided I could have another baby. I told Jeremiah and he agreed and we decided that when I did, I could stay home with the kids. We started trying right away. I went to work, told my boss that I was trying to get pregnant and when I did, I would go on maternity leave and not be coming back. Turns out, I gave him a year's notice. Robyn was born 1 year after.

6. When I was younger, I had a blood disorder called henoch-schoenlein purpura. Basically big bruise looking spots all over my legs. It was evil and it hurt. The doctors didn't know what it was. Lots of blood work, lots of worry, lots of unknown. I eventually 'grew out of it'. I don't know how my parents did it, but I don't remember them really being too scared about it (or letting on to ME that they were scared). I appreciate that. :)

7. I love my friends like I love my family. Chances are, you probably already know this. But when I make friends - and I don't mean just acquaintances, I mean we hang out and do things together type friends - it's a forever thing for me. I will do whatever I can within my means to make you happy, to help you out, to love you and all that comes with you. You become my family that I chose. And I love you. And I'm grateful for that. :)

8. I take WAY too many pictures. We're talking a couple hundred a week. I blame it on my awesome phone. It has a 5 mega pixel camera on it and well, that means I always have a camera on me. I used to carry my camera (which is 12 mega pixel) but my purse was always too full... And with my phone - it's always there! :) So we have a whole hard drive on our computer dedicated to JUST pictures. And it's awesome.

9. I love music. I will often choose a 'theme song' for the day / week. Sometimes it might not have anything to do with that day, other than I heard the song and loved it. :) Music has a way of transporting you to a certain part of your life and making you remember how you felt at that moment - good or bad. For some reason, angry songs make me happy. :)

10. I'm scared of getting older. Bodies breakdown and wear out and it hurts. I've seen friends and family get older and have to go through more and more medical issues. And I'm scared. Scared of the pain and the process. Life is scary.

11. I take Zoloft. I'm not afraid to admit it. It has really helped with my anxiety and my thoughts. I'm able to be a better mom, better friend and better spouse because I'm not freaking out at the drop of a hat. Just ask my friend, Jennifer. We went out once and I got sick. For the next 3 times we went out, I would worry so much that I would get sick that I actually MADE myself sick! I still go thru that when I get really excited for something, that I worry I will get sick and miss out and then I end up making myself sick. Not really fun. But the Zoloft helps. So does the occasional Xanex. So for all the haters - keep your opinion to yourself.

12. I hated Human Resources. Hated it. Something I probably shouldn't admit right now since I'm looking for a job again (so that our family will have some health insurance), but I did. I always came home stressed out. I hated thinking about the people who I had known for a while losing their job and insurance and livelihood. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. I'm a nice person. I like everyone to like me. HR was NOT for me and I hope to avoid it in my job search. Cashier, greeter - something simple and not life altering would be just fine with me.

13. I miss old friends. Even the ones who really screwed me over. Ones that lied to me. Cheated me out of things that were mine. Ones that stole from me. Ones that did all three! But they all had a quality that made me like them. And those qualities, I miss.

14. My dark side exists in Dr. Mario. :) I'm a nice person until it comes to a little competition in Dr. Mario and then I get evil. I even swear! It works me up and gets me excited and it's a rush! Man.. I'm kind of sad that way, I guess. :)

15. I miss the attention I used to get when I was young and skinny. I liked the complements and the flirting. I didn't act on it, but it was nice to be hit on...

16. As cheesy romantic it may sound, Jeremiah really is my best friend. I can tell him anything, he makes me laugh when I'm sad (or any time, really) and he helps me out. He has a million great qualities that he doesn't always let others see. I'm glad that I had a weak moment in high school and started kissing him. :)

17. I am actually really thankful for the trials in my life. The small, day-to-day ones and the big ones that I have had to face and over come. I'm a big believer in choice. I try to make a conscience decision to do good and to be positive. I believe that I have grown a lot from everything I've had to face. From fights with friends, to baby scares, to babies being sick. I've grown. I've overcome. And I'm stronger because of it.

18. I'm happy to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. :) I've had my share of rebellion and struggles and trials in religion, but I've always came back. And I've always found peace and comfort. God is good. :)

19. I have a need to be needed. I like to feel useful. I think that's why being a mom is so great to me. :) They ALWAYS need me. :)

20. My favorite band is Aerosmith. I've seen them live 3 or 4 times. They are fantastic live. I love going to concerts. If I had lots of expendable money, that's what I would do with it. See as many live shows as I could. Let's see if I can name all the people I've seen live... Aerosmith, Kid Rock, KISS, Jimmy Eat World, Melee, Army of Freshmen, Bowling for Soup, Motley Crue, Poison, Lonestar, John Anderson, New Kids on the Block, Lady Gaga, Natasha Beddingfield, Boys II Men, Cheap Trick, Ratt, New Found Glory, Dokken, Chris Ledoux, Sawyer Brown, Vanilla Ice, and MC Hammer. I think I'm probably missing some...

21. I don't usually eat breakfast food for breakfast. I'm a 'real' food person all day. Give me left overs from last night's lasagna or pizza and I'm happy. Sometimes I'll do breakfast, but normally, I'm totally happy with leftovers.

22. My family has a tradition of shooting our Easter eggs instead of eating them. We take them up on a mountain, sit them on top of a milk jug and shoot. I'm a great shot. Better than some boys I know. :) Also, I've killed a deer before. My dad made me. He said if I didn't, that I couldn't go to Homecoming, so 3 shots later and we had a dead deer.

23. I'm 5 ft 5in tall. I'm 183 lbs (did I just write that down for the world to see?) I wear a size 15 - 16 in pants (that too?). My shoes are about an 8 1/2. And of course, the measurement that matters most? :) 38 DD.

24. I've had some great best friends in my life. Sandy Turner, Teresa Sanders, Jedd Shepherd, Michelle Davidson, Kelly Cook, Jeremiah Hardman, Angie Neal, Mandy Smith, Beeno Zaccardi, Jennifer Sweat, Jessie Post, and Heather Bagley. I've had other friends, but I think that these ones are some that truely affected who I am today. They are all awesome people. You should meet them all. :)

25. My mom wanted to name me Shasta Lee (if I was a girl) or Sheldon Z (if I were a boy). I'm glad I ended up being Mandy. :) I hope our kids will be okay with our 'weird' choices in names.

26. Some of my favorite movies are: Almost Famous, Can't Hardly Wait, Empire Records, Clue, Saved, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Zoolander, and other goofy funny comedies.

27. I am an obsessive person. If I find something that I really like, I tend to become obsessed. In my youth, I watched General Hospital. When I was old enough to know how (aka high school), I recorded the episodes that were on during the day so that I could watch them when I got home. I missed school (and my mom let me) when Lucky 'died'. I was depressed for a whole week. He was my favorite. Then I bought videos someone made of all of Lucky and Liz's moments together. We watched them on my bridal shower. I was a member of 3 different fan clubs.. I've finally given up GH and I'm glad. Now I have other obsessions...

28. In 6th grade, I was one of the Class President's for Mr Crittenden's class. I also won a trophy at the end of the year for 'most athletic'. Now, if you know me at all - you know I'm not athletic. But I tried. And apparently, that's what they wanted! :)

29. I've had glasses since 3rd grade. I didn't get contacts until I was 19. I wore them pretty steadily until I quit my job. Now it's a handful of times a year. Glasses just work for me. I probably won't be able to get Lasik to 'fix' my eyes because of how bad they are. And they are still changing. I'm 'not a good candidate' for Lasik... Oh well. :)

30. I was hospitalized in between 3rd and 4th grade. I had a root canal done and the dentist punctured my sinus. The infection in my tooth spread, went up to my sinus and was attacking my eye (and draining out of my newly pierced ears). My face swelled and I was taken to the hospital. It took a big nurse, my dad and mom to hold me down while they put the IV in. Twice. I did NOT want that in.

SO... Did you read it all? Do you know all about me? Do you have more questions? If so, just ask. I'm pretty much an open book. :)

Get to know me a little better.

• Do you like pets? Have you any? Yes, I like pets. Currently I have 1 cat, 1 dog.
  
• Which was the last book you read?Currently reading City of Glass and the Book of Mormon
  
• Are you fond of cooking? Generally, yes.
  
• Have you ever lived in another country? Nope. Not much of a traveler.
  
• Have you ever met a famous person? A few, but none that stand out right now.
  
• What do you do in your free time? What Free time? I'm a mom! Read, sleep.
  
• What kind of food do you prefer eating when you are out? Mexican. Cafe Rio, to be exact.
  
• What kind of people do you like?All - but the ones with a past seem to have the best stories and tend to be the most interesting.
  
• What kind of people do you not like? Um... Mean ones, I guess?
  
• What are the various languages that you know to speak in?English, Heber-ite, Jibberish, Thomas
  
• What cartoon character best describes you the best? Marge Simpson
  
• If you had an option to choose a place anywhere in the world where you could live for a year, where would it be? Disneyland. :)
  
• If you knew, could you try on any kind of work and that you would not fail in it, what would attempt doing? Being a millionaire. :)
  
• What super-power would you most like to have, and why? Super Mom powers - be able to keep the house clean, dishes done, meals that everyone will eat on the table, teach my kids everything they need to know before they need to know it...
  
• If you had $5 million to spend in 5 days, but with the clause that you could not spend any of it on yourself or your family, what would you do with it? Help out my friend (if I can't help out my family) and donate it to Primary Children's Hospital. :)
  
• Which sports do you like? Dancing (it's a sport, people!), Football, T-Ball when my kids are playing it :)
  
• Who do you respect the most? Those who have overcame a hard situation / past and are 'better' because of it
  
• Who plays the most influential role in your life? My hubby and kids
  
• Which is your favorite concert you have ever attended so far? Aerosmith concerts. I love those guys. Seeing them with KISS was pretty awesome. :)
  
• Would you bungee jump? Doubtful. Too dangerous for this girl!
  
• What were you like when you were a kid? (happy, playful…)I'd say a good kid - happy - but kind of a nerd who liked 'scary' things (books / movies / etc)
  
• When was the first time that you had alcohol? What happened after that?I was 17 at my Mandy's 17th Bday Party. Good experience, though. Only drank a few times before I was 'legally' of age to do so. Then for about 3-6 months after I was 21, I drank fairly often. Then I stopped, got pregnant and haven't looked back. Don't regret doing it then, or stopping doing it.
  
• If you were the richest person on earth, what would you do with the money you had? I'd like to think I would help others out... Going thru the experiences I've gone thru in my life, I would donate lots to hospitals, places to find cures for diseases, schools, parks, etc. I'd like to think I would be generous if I were able to be.
  
• What would your dream house be like? Big. With a maid and a cook. And a big library and theater room. Oh, and a game room... And a big back yard with a fabulous play area. And a pool. And lots of other wonderful things. :)
  
• If you could change something about yourself, what would it be & why? I'd like to be skinny, but I think that comes with being a girl! :)
  
• When did you last have the heartiest laugh? Probably over something that Archer or Jeremiah did. They crack me up. :)
  
• What do you prefer - spontaneity or stability? I think I'd like to say spontaneity, but if I was really honest, it'd probably be stability.
  
• Do you love kids? I really do. I like being a mom, but I also like other people's kids. I like to volunteer at my kids schools. I like being in Primary on Sundays. I love watching their little minds GROW! Kids are pretty much amazing. :)
  
• Tell me about a scary time in your life. Robyn getting sick. That was pretty much the scariest thing I've gone thru. (www.robynhardman.blogspot.com) Archer's pregnancy was kind of scary for me. I was hospitalized as a kid for about a week, I think. And my blood disorder as a child. Yep. Those are my scary times. :)
  
• What are your hobbies? I like to read. I don't do it as much as I would like to. I like to swim. I like to make crafty little notebooks. I like to make new friends. See movies.
  

Okay, so do you know me better? Do you have any questions? I'm an open book, people. Ask me anything. :)

Update to my last update :)

After having sick kids for almost a week and Archer missing an entire week of school, everyone seems to be 'back to normal'.

Normal for my family. Which isn't normal. But not sick at least. :)

Thanks for the love, prayer and for putting up with my anxiety. :)

Anxiety, Poo, Flu and an update

So my last post probably made you all anxious too, right? Sorry about that.

Robyn's been acting better today. She's thrown up once (right after lunch) and her diapers just keep on coming full of poo. I called Primary Children's this morning and the nurse who called me back was super wonderful.

She said that since Robyn is having liquid poo diapers that at least she is getting SOME liquid out and it's probably hard to tell if some of it is pee in with the poo.

She said to watch Robyn for a fever (which she hasn't had).

She said to keep feeding Robyn anything that she will eat or drink. We are trying anything.

Then, she said that if she doesn't seem to be getting better or if she gets really worse (breathing issues or so lethargic that she just doesn't want to move), then to bring her in.

So for now, with Robyn, we wait.

I'm doing better - not as anxious - thanks to the nurse.

Archer on the other hand has been throwing up since about 6 am this morning. Every 15 - 30 minutes. And pooping every 30 minutes or so. Sometimes he does both at the same time. Then he cries. And is sad because he's a big boy and big boys don't poop in their pants. I've tried to tell him that it's okay because he's sick and he's not TRYING to poop in his pants...

Ah, parenthood. Full of the 3 P's... Pee, Poop, Puke.

**Please feel free to keep the prayers coming our direction, though. I appreciate them!**

Anxiety. And Poo.

If you know me (and chances are that if you read my blog, you do), you know that I have anxiety issues. All over the emotional (roller coaster) map of anxiety. Today, I've been okay and fine and bad. Right now, I'm beyond bad. Right now, I'm down right going insane.

Robyn threw up yesterday. Apparently twice while I was at church - but she seemed fine and ate and kept down her lunch so we decided to go to Heber. On the way to Heber, she puked up pretty much everything in her system (Sorry, I know this is gross). So we stopped at my mom's house, changed her into some clothes that my niece Kaylee has grown out of and headed up to Jeremiah's parents house. We ate lunch and during her mashed potatoes, she threw up again. She was acting like she was starving because she just kept eating. Yesterday, she was very poopy (like liquid poo) but not really wet.

All day today, Robyn has been liquid poo, no pee. Every diaper we check and every diaper, just liquid poo. She threw up once after she took her meds this morning. (BTW: Archer was throwing up this morning too, so we thought - flu bug). Then tonight right as she was starting to eat her dinner, she threw up again. Robyn's been really clinging and whiney but she will act like herself in spirts and then just whine...

So - all of this sounds familiar. (Need a refresher? Check it out HERE.) It's TOO familiar of when I thought she had a flu bug or something like pneumonia. Then I took her to the hospital and my life changed. HEART FAILURE. Life Flight. Primary Children's Hospital. Heart Specialists. PICU. Everything.

So today, I've tried to stay distracted. I've kept busy. I've gone to the library and found books and movies and cleaned and read and played online WAY too much. But now it's night. Jeremiah's watching his TV (and he's actually kind of worried too, but he has to be the voice of reason in this relationship). Kids are asleep (Robyn included). And I'm alone. With my thoughts. My bad, bad thoughts.

I'm panicking. I'm freaking out. I'm starting to arrange my life for the next 'hospital stay' and how I'm going to deal this time. I'm thinking of all the things I need to pack in a diaper bag and over night bag for the hubby so that he can take Robyn to the hospital to her specialists tomorrow because I can't. I freak out. I freak out, get sick and leave. I'm writing down all the bills that are going to need to be paid. I'm getting the Medicaid info together (hallelujah for Medicaid this *possible* time around!)

So you might be thinking - "Mandy, Calm down. There is a flu bug going around. You've been taking her more places, exposing her to more things, inviting more friends over. She was bound to get a flu bug and be sick for a few days." But you know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking - Okay, so I have to work in Archer's school on Wednesday, but luckily DarTanion will already be in school so I can go and do that, but I'm going to need a sitter for Saturday. I'm going to have to find time and gas money to make it down to SLC atleast on Thursday and Friday if I can. Then on Saturday afternoon / night maybe I can get someone to watch the boys and I can actually go down to SLC and spend the night at the hospital so that Jeremiah can come home and see the kids and do his thing and get a break from the hospital. Crap. I have sharing time on Sunday. Well, I'll have to get that covered just in case - or I can plan something just in case.

Yep. Those are the thoughts that just went through my mind. All because my baby hasn't had a pee diaper in a day and she's been throwing up. Aren't you glad you don't have Panic Attacks or an Anxiety problem? Yeah. I'm thinking tonight is a double dose of my Zoloft and depending on how tomorrow at the doctor (most likely), I'll probably need to start taking half a Xanex every other day or something.

Okay, so I had to vent because for some reason it calms me down and think that Jeremiah is sort of sick of hearing me freak out because it's came and went all day today. Hopefully this and some Nyquil (I have a cold, not taking it just for sleep reasons) will help me get through tonight without a breakdown.

Thanks for listening, blog world. I'll update you as soon as I know anything.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

So I have been reading kids books lately. And TOTALLY loving them! :) I have also been reading grown up books (City of Bones, the Mortal Instruments series) and religious books (Book of Mormon), but I think I'm enjoying 'kid books' better than any of the scary, romance-y, adult reading material I've been reading or have read in a while (yep, Twilight series, that means you too!) SO, I know you are dying to know... Which one is my favorite right now? Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney.


There are 4 books (plus one that tells you how to draw characters and stuff) in the series so far and I'm on book 4. I can read them start to finish in about an hour if I don't have the constant interuptions of "MOM! Brother is doing (insert your favorite annoyance here) to me!"

It started off simply - when I was at my (former, sad) neighbors house for about 5-10 minutes sitting with her sleeping baby so that she could run to the school to pick up her kids. The book was on the couch, so I picked it up and started flipping through it. It was kinda funny, so I decided to start reading it from the beginning. After about 12-15 pages in, I decided that I needed to hit the Library and find this funny kids book. Maybe I'd read it to my kids. Or I'd just read it for myself. :) Whichever. :)

I asked the Librarian in the kids area for the book and I didn't know the author. She smiled, told me the author is Jeff Kinney and said if I was lucky, the book would be in. She explained that they are REALLY popular right now. She took me over to where the books were and I was in luck! :) One copy of the first book was available. :) I read it that night. It was pretty darned funny. Made me smile. Made Jeremiah make fun of me. But whatever. :) If it makes me smile or makes me happy, I don't care if I'm made fun of.

SO I have been stalking the Juniors section at my local library (which is FABULOUS, by the way) and watching for book #2. I wasn't having any luck at all, so after a few weeks, I finally asked if I could be put on the wait list for it. The Librarian checked and said that actually, one book just got checked in. She would have it pulled for me in the next 5-10 minutes. :) YAY! So I read book #2 in a trip to Heber City. I came home, pulled open the library's website and requested to be on the wait list for book #3 and #4. I picked them up last night (yay, again!) and book #3 has been read. Again, totally funny. Probably my fav in the series so far.

So I totally cracked up when reading a part of book #3. Up to this point, I've read little snippets of the books to Jeremiah, but he just kinda smiles and goes back to what he's doing. But last night, Jeremiah came out to see what was so funny. I had tears in my eyes because it cracked me up. It mentioned one of my childhood / teenage obsessions.

SHEL SILVERSTEIN

I LOVE SHEL! I spent hard earned babysitting money on copying his poems (and illustrations) at the library and hung them up around my room. I kid you not. They are that awesome. Have you read 'Where the Sidewalk Ends' or 'A Light in the Attic' or 'The Giving Tree'? The man was a genius. Genius, I tell you! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Diary of a Wimpy Kid (#3), The Last Straw. :)

It talks about how the little brother keeps getting out of bed at night and how when he was little, his "Dad put a stop to it real quick." Here's a quote, then a few of the pages following.

"There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein." --- now check out the next few pages---

You can click on the picture to make it bigger...

And here is the picture of Shel
from the back of "The Giving Tree"...

BBWWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Okay, so maybe it's just me (and several other bloggers that I have found while looking for these pictures online) but that is awesomeness in it's truest form there, people. :)

Anyway, yeah, so you should read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. It's awesome. And funny. And I can't wait to read the 4th one tomorrow while Archer is having his dental work done. (I'm a little sad I have to wait!)

Read these books. Buy these books. Buy and extra copy and give it to me for my birthday. Only 26 more shopping days left, people! :) BTW: I'm totally kidding - you don't have to buy the books for me for my birthday - you can just buy them for me for any random occasion! (haha, wink wink)

Loves!

Because you should... And I would, if I had the money.

Is that not the coolest logo thingy? :)

You should click it - you can find a way cool blog to follow and a warm fuzzy *snuggy* feeling. And you should donate. Because I would, if I could. :) And who knows, maybe I will! :) And then you and I can be friends. :)

Much Loves! :)
Mandy

Appreciation for babies :)

Robyn and Baby Kiah, Nov. 2009

Sometimes, when life is good, you don't realize how good it is. Sometimes you will take those little moments for granted. You don't give your babies enough loves. You don't get down on the floor and play with them enough. You just don't show them how much you really love them. Then something happens - life slaps you in the face. Kids get sick. And it all comes hurtling back into perspective.

Angie has been one of my bestests (friends) since I was in 4th grade. We've been through quite a lot together. She was my Maid of Honor when I got married. :) She's my girl version of Jeremiah. :) She's a total goof ball and I love her for it. :)

Angie has 4 kids. 3 boys and one precious little girl named Kiah. Today is Kiah's birthday. And not just any birthday... Her 1st birthday! :) Last year, I was visiting this little doll in the hospital. Last year, I was holding her and kissing her and loving on her. Loving this little girl who my Angie has been waiting and wanting for SO long. Today, I was in another hospital room, loving on and kissing this same little girl and visiting with my Angie.


Kiah is sick, but she'll be okay. She was acting like she was teething and had a cold, but when her face started to swell (down by her jaw bone), they took her to the doctor. Antibiotics didn't cut it and now they are in the hospital. Kiah was admitted on Monday and they hope to bring her home by Thursday - with enough time to get a party together for her oldest little guy who turns 7 on Sunday. They have drained bacteria from the swelling and are doing tests on it. Unfortunately, the swelling is back so they are thinking they may have to do surgery. It's not necessarily a life or death experience, but it is a scary, scary thing to have your little one in the hospital. For any reason.

I didn't know that visiting baby Kiah in the hospital was going to affect me. But it did. I was suddenly back to the same hospital that Robyn was diagnosed in. The same cribs. The same Hospital room set up. The kids floor and play room. I started shaking a little and actually ended up crying a little while reliving my Robyn's experience.

Angie and I talked about how it's scary and how you long to see your 'healthy' kids and how you feel like you should just hold your sick little one. We both decided that if this is what it takes to be able to relate or to be strong and grow personally, that we're happy NOT relating to others and being weak and not growing personally. :)

It also makes you stop and think about your life - what is precious and what deserves your time and how you can be better. About how you freaked out and left your husband at the hospital to take care of your daughter because you couldn't handle it YET your friend is refusing to eat or go to the bathroom because she has to be there and hold and comfort her baby. Angie is a good mom. A great mom. And a great friend. :) She is calm and she's feeling the blessings of health and modern medicine. She's pretty much amazing.



Happy Birthday to baby Kiah - we wish you a happy and healthy new year. Get better soon, baby girl!

Because I just have to...

A few days ago, hysterical giggling came from my bedroom. Jeremiah was watching something on TV in our bedroom and a commercial for Old Spice came on. He pushed rewind on the DVR and called me in because I HAD to see it. He's right, it's pretty fun. :) Enjoy!